MYTHOS

The story of GWAR is carved across the history of this barren and hopeless planet, but GWAR themselves are not of this world… their story begins in the deepest reaches of outer space. Long ago, the beings who would become the rock band GWAR were part of an elite fighting force, the Scumdogs of the Universe. For eons, they served as thralls to a supreme being known only as the Master. But one by one, each future member of the band earned a glaring reputation for being an intergalactic fuck-up. And so, they were banished, sent away on a fool’s errand to conquer an insignificant shitball floating in a dark corner of the universe; the planet Earth. Once here, GWAR shaped the face of the globe, destroying and rebuilding the natural world, and giving rise to all of human history. Aliens to some, gods and demons to others, our erstwhile Scumdogs fucked apes to create the human race, and this fateful unplanned pregnancy would prove to be truly disastrous!

Their new album, “The Blood of Gods” is nothing less than a sacred text chronicling the rise of humanity against their makers, and the massive battle between GWAR and the forces of all that is uptight and wrong with the world. Along the way, the band challenges the sins of their great mistake, from politics, pollution, and organized religion, to fast food, and factory farming. Humans are shown as what they are; a parasitical disease that must be eradicated before they suck the planet dry. Born of adversity, “The Blood of Gods” is a sonic scar…a question asked and answered…

Death cannot kill GWAR. Nothing can.
GWAR LIVES MOTHERFUCKERS!


Vocals

THE BERSERKER BLOTHAR

Recently summoned from the Scumdog’s distant past, this behemoth has taken on the mantle of GWAR’s new lead singer. 


NAME: The Berserker Blothar

INSTRUMENT: Lead Howler

HOME PLANET: The World of Mist

HEIGHT: Blothar is around 6 ft tall in his human form, but becomes 15 feet tall when he goes berserk

WEIGHT: Cannot be accurately measured

LIKES: Hunting Moon Moose, Ice fishing, reading the future in the entrails of his victims, killing, meditation

DISLIKES: Most things

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Guitar

BÄLSÄC THE JAWS ‘O DEATH

The elder statesman of the group. He doesn’t say much, but when he does, it’s not much! Oh yeah, and he plays guitar.


NAME: BälSäc

ALIAS: the Jaws ‘o Death

INSTRUMENT: Guitar

AGE: pi X 10 to the millionth power

HOME PLANET: Ennui

HEIGHT: 22 1⁄2 hands

WEIGHT: 12 tons fully dressed; 98lbs soaking wet

EYE COLOR: I’m not sure if he has eyes

HOBBIES: Wine tasting, home distilling, contemplating suicide

ON DATES I LIKE TO…: Contemplate suicide

QUOTE: “I’m so very, very sorry.

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Bass

BEEFCAKE THE MIGHTY

It takes immeasurable mass to hold down the incredibly heavy bottom end of GWAR. Luckily, there is Beefcake, the heaviest of heavy metal bassists.


NAME: Beefcake

TITLE: the Mighty

INSTRUMENT: Bass guitar

HEIGHT: 1cb (cubic beefcake)

WEIGHT: Verging on collapsing into a black hole due to my immeasurable mass

AGE: How rude!

HOME WORLD: The planet Cholesterol

HOBBIES: Cooking, eating, gnoshing, biting, gluttony, chewing, gorging, consumption, devouring, dining, feasting, gobbling, gourmandizing, having a meal, masticating, bingeing, nibbling, munching, overindulgence, pigging out, snacking, and most things involving food

ON DATES I LIKE TO…: Eat (my date)

QUOTE: “Hey, look! A sandwich!!”

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Drums

JIZMAK DA GUSHA

Dog­headed JiZMak is the most obnoxious GWAR­rior and delights in the pounding of all things, including himself! Hails from The Wide Wide World of Sports.


NAME: JiZMak da Gusha

INSTRUMENT: Drums

AGE: Old enough to wipe my own ass

HEIGHT: Almost tall

WEIGHT: Almost fat

EYE COLOR: Crimson

HOME PLANET: The Wide Wide World of Sports

HOBBIES: Clubbing, BBQ, cleavage, pretending

WHEN I GET MAD I…: Smash, beat, pound, crush, slam, and pass out. Much like the blackout of a violent drunk, upon awakening, I forget why I was mad.

QUOTE: “This interview is over!”

Follow Jizmak
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Guitar

PUSTULUS MAXIMUS

Member of the Maximus Clan to take up the axe and fight in the name of GWAR.


NAME: Pustulus Maximus

INSTRUMENT: Guitar

HOME PLANET: Crust

HEIGHT: Tall enough

WEIGHT: Titanic

DISEASES CONTRACTED: All except childhood obesity and bird-flu

LIKES: Being unhappy, ripping guitar, making others miserable, anal

DISLIKES: Having a good time

FAVORITE PAST TIME: Killing for spite

HOBBIES: Hoarding guitars, drugs, alcohol, frequent masturbation, non-gender selective rape, turning man against man, searching for the remains of the Ramones to add to his corpse-puppet band

ON DATES I LIKE TO…: Anal

WHEN I GET MAD I: Destroy everything within arms-reach in a blind rage

PHILOSOPHY: Why choose between dicks and cunts when everybody’s got an asshole?

GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT: Stole rock and roll and brought it back to the Sulphur Barbarinian galaxy

GREATEST DEFEAT: Eventually those bands turned to Nu-metal.

LIFE GOALS: To be alone by making everything around me die.

QUOTE: “Fuck off”

Follow Pustulus
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Body Guard

BONESNAPPER

A former slave turned slaver, Bonesnapper fought in the Scumdog Army and was banished to Earth with the rest of GWAR. Melted out of Antarctic ice just 3 days after GWAR, he spent the next 17 years trying to reconnect with them. Initially an enemy, then an ally, but always an object of ridicule Bonesnapper still gets no respect.


NAME: BONESNAPPER

ALIAS: The Cave Troll

AGE: ELDERLY

WEIGHT: PORTLY

HOME PLANET: A rock down by the river.

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman

LAST BOOK READ: I’m OK, You’re OK

LAST BOOK WRITTEN: Uncle Tom’s Cabin

FAVORITE CELEBRITY: Nasty Savage

HOBBIES: Basking on a log.

ON DATES I LIKE TO: Stay in my shell.

QUOTE: Hey Guys…..wait for me!


Nemesis

SAWBORG DESTRUCTO

Loyal soldier in the MASTER’S Army. This Scumdog was built on Scumdogia by another Destructo. After several Destructos failed their mission to find the Scumdogs known as GWAR. SawBorg was sent to Earth to complete that mission and bring GWAR back to the MASTER. 


Name: SawBorg Destructo

AGE: E=mc2

Weight: 50 Megatons

When I get mad: I get even!!

Favorite book: The Art Of War

Home Planet: Scumdogia

Favorite T.V. Show: Rick and Morty

Favorite drink: Pennzoil 5w-30

Hobbies: Surfing on the wakes of comets and smashing them into black holes, you know just for fun!

Goals in this Life: To complete my mission and bring the renegade Scumdogs back to Master and fight as many enemies deep in the far reaches of this universe! Besides he has promised us a BBQ if we do a good job.

Follow Sawborg Destructo
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Manager

SLEAZY P. MARTINI

Heir to a huge Mafia fortune, this ex-Reagan aide threw it all away for the “glamor” of rock management. Since his discovery of GWAR, the competition has been ruthlessly reduced, and the location of Elvis revealed.


Name: Sleazy P. Martini

Age: Thir… None of your business!

Home Planet: Oith

Height: 6’6″, Plus 2 feet for hair

Weight: 150, plus 50 pounds for hair

Symbol: $

Eye Color: Green, what else?

Favorite Color: Green, what else?

Favorite Movies: The Godfather, Mean Street, Scarface

Favorite Drink: Happy Time Wine

Favorite Food: Kung Fu Malt Liquor

Last Book Read: How to Manipulate Friends & Intimidate People

Last Book Written: Ditto

When I get mad I: Get even

Dream or Goal: There is no number large enough to quantity that kind of money.

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